There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
