never play flip cup with pint glasses
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
