My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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