I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
