i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
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I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
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I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
If I die, sorry about rent.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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