God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
