is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
