Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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