to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Randomize
