You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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