I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
