I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
