feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
