I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
