Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
My pussy is not your playground.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
