Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
