Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
