im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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