So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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