I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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