dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
