ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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