so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Randomize
