you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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