I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
