You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
