Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
