we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Can I color on your dick again?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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