he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
