Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
