I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
what day is it and did you see me today?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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