Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize