There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Randomize
