He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Green mimosas i think yes
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
