I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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