it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
