i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
