I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
