Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
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