My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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