I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
