Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
