When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
