Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
