My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
oh god the rape fog is back!
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
