We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Someone signed my nipple.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
