I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
