Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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