Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
