I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
