My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
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