Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
