I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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