please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
