Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
