Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
So vagazzling was a success
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
