She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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