question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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