I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
