my mouth tastes like poor choices
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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