Have you finally orgasmed yet?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
