forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
