your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
