I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
