He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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