Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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