and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
