I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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