On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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