I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
