I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
