I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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