Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
