I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
