I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
