Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
