Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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