if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
